


Dealing with Myself

by blake_is_strange



Category: Life Is Strange (Video Game)
Genre: F/F, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Internalized Homophobia, It's gonna be ok, They love each other, Tumblr Prompt, even though poor Tori is sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-03
Updated: 2017-08-03
Packaged: 2018-12-10 11:58:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11691156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blake_is_strange/pseuds/blake_is_strange
Summary: Victoria is a lesbian struggling with compulsory heterosexuality and internalized homophobia, but her girlfriend Max is helping her through it and is patient as Victoria tries to become comfortable with herself.





	Dealing with Myself

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to the anon who requested this prompt from me. I'm so sorry that it took so long, it's just so sad and relatable. I really hope that you guys enjoy this!

Victoria’s POV

 

Max. She was the only thing I could think about, the only person I couldn’t keep myself away from no matter how hard I tried. She was so kind and funny and smart and her hands felt so good on my body, her lips even more so against mine. I couldn’t get enough of her, even though every touch felt like it would melt through my skin, show Max who I really was underneath it all. We’d been together for almost two years now and I still had a hard time with this sort of stuff. I still couldn’t kiss her without guilt or fear or even a little bit of bitterness sneaking up the back of my throat. I just wanted to love her and treat her the way she deserved. I wanted to be the woman Max needed, but I didn’t know how. I barely knew how to love her still. 

 

I knew what she loved to do, I knew her favorite food and her least favorite music and the way she hated anything that had to do with exercise or eating healthy. But I still couldn’t make love to her without bursting into tears and her having to try and get me to calm down. Even now as she kissed me I could feel the fear and guilt clawing their way through my chest, filling me with anxiety even as Max touched me soft and slow and gentle, like I was the most precious and fragile person in the world. I hated the gentle touches as much as I loved them, wishing she’d just get her jollies and get it over with. I loved her, I loved her so much, but something in me just didn’t know how to process the way I felt about her, even years later. 

 

I didn’t notice that I was crying until Max pulled away from me, looking down at me with that ever patient concern on her face, making her brows furrow and her lips pull down in a slight frown.

 

“You ok, Tori?” She asked softly, gently running her fingers down the side of my face, wiping my tears away. “We don't have to do this tonight. We can just go to bed or watch a movie or whatever you want. Really, it’s ok.”

 

“No,” I sobbed out, grabbing her shoulders as she started to climb off of me. I hated this. Hated that I was disappointing her and she just wasn’t telling me. That had to be it. I had no idea why Max had even stayed with me this long. I was a mess. I could hardly kiss her without guilt splintering every calm, loving moment into shards of painful thoughts and memories. “Please, I know you hate this. Please just tell me. Take what you need from me. I just need you to be happy and I… I’m sorry.” I had to close my eyes. I couldn’t look at Max anymore. I couldn’t watch her concern turn to deep, aching worry and her frown grows even more. I couldn't do this. I had to make her happy somehow. I had to make sure she knew that this was my fault, not hers. 

 

“Tori,” Max whispered, leaning down and kissing my forehead gently. “I’m not going to force you into anything. I love you. That means that, whether we have sex or not, you always make me happy.” I couldn’t help the sobs that escaped me at her words. I could feel thoughts sprout up in the back of my mind, telling me that Max was lying to me, that she didn’t really care about me. That this was just a moment in time that would never last. She’d leave someday. She couldn’t love me for much longer, not when I didn’t even know how to like myself, much less take care of myself. 

 

“I can’t even take care of you,” I managed to say between broken breaths. “I can’t make you feel good.” 

 

“Sure you can,” she whispered, twirling my hair as I cried, but I was starting to feel calm again. Max always did this, always said things that made it easier not to fall apart every ten minutes. I needed to be able to do that for her too. Needed to love her the way she loved me because goddamnit she meant the world to me. “You make me feel special and loved and cared for. Just because you’re not ready to have sex every time I want to, doesn’t mean that you’re a bad girlfriend. It just means that you still have some stuff to work out and I’m going to be here to help you every step of the way if you need me to. You can always tell me no, especially about this stuff. I’m not going to force you into things, ever.” 

 

I knew I didn’t deserve Max. I knew that she was too good for me and that she’d leave me someday. But in that moment, when she was holding me and telling me that she loved me even though I was in pieces, it made me think that maybe we could make it through this. 

  
_Maybe everything will be ok._

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you all so much for reading! I really hope you guys enjoyed it, please leave a comment letting me know what you think and have an awesome day!


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